For someone who claimed less than two months ago to ‘no longer be interested’ in what the music scene may have to offer, I don’t half have some opinions on what the music scene may have to offer. Admittedly, most of them are tinged with, at the very least, a mild malaise, but it seems only fair to offer an alternative to ML’s ‘Best of the Year’ retrospective to bookend 2011.
Whilst festively channel hopping between Christmas and New Year, I came across MTV Rocks, who chose to mark the transition from 2011 to 2012 with two hours of programming counting down the Top 20 Bestselling Rock Singles of 2011. What better way to acquaint myself with the current crop of alternative rock talent, I thought, than taking in a retrospective of the latest twelve months? Formerly branded as MTV2, this channel had at various times previous been my first port of call to get a finger on the pulse of the finest that the alternative music scene has to offer. On this occasion, however, there was nary a pulse to be found…
We’re talking full on bradycardia here folks. Nurse, get the paddles, we’re losing him…
Time of death, 2011.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the number 9 Bestselling Rock Single of 2011…
...released on September 5th 2005!
Really? Really??? You know what, I wasn’t even that upset with the song itself - I find it to be one of their more acceptable, less damp efforts, as long as I ignore the lyrics - or the fact that the term ‘Rock’ was clearly being used in its loosest sense. It was more the fact that six - yes, six - years after its release, this song was ninth in this countdown.
I honestly thought that there must have been some mistake, a work experience intern working the holiday shift must have done the digital equivalent of ‘putting the wrong tape in the machine’ (sounds archaic, doesn’t it?), or chosen the wrong header to transmit into homes up and down the country. Maybe I was in fact watching a mis-labelled Coldplay Top 20, not that I would have traded explicable for less palatable. But, lest we forget, the bestselling Rock single of 2010 was a track originally released 30 years ago - the Glee driven revival for Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’. Clearly anything could happen. And it did…
Ladies and gentlemen, number 3 on your list…
1998, I am in you!
Another track from years gone by, another ‘soft’ rock number. Again, I wasn’t particularly bothered by the song, in fact it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, and John Rzeznik is a fine vocalist. It was the mystery of its inclusion in this list that irked me.
And so it dawned upon me, the reason that these songs had made a re-appearance in the public’s repertoire of relevant songs…
Good to know you felt the same, Simon.
It would appear that the best way to sell records is not through having a great product in the first instance, or even by having a successful targetted marketing campaign. The key to sales is having your song appear on Saturday night TV talent shows. The continued ingrained dominance of the - now Cowell-less - X-Factor as part of the British psyche never fails to amazes me. But it doesn’t upset me. Annoyed that they have trivialised Damien Rice’s ‘Cannonball’? Sorry, but for me, he had already done that by tacking on drums and bass for the track’s single release (can you say Radio Friendly?). Rice, of course, has had the payday of his career, with royalties from the X-Factor’s number one success added to the benefit of ‘protest’ purchases of the original track, which itself reached number 9 in the UK chart. Win win.
For me the X-Factor is like the sun – you should never stare directly at it, but you sure as hell can’t hide from it. It’s just not worth getting upset about. What does draw my ire is the fact that even in its broadest definition, the commercial side of ‘Rock’ clearly has nothing to say to me at this moment in time.
Coldplay, of course, dominated the remainder of the Top 10, with the hideously titled ‘Every Teardrop is a Waterfall’ at number 4, accompanied by an absolute horror of a promotional video that looks like a neon day-glo United Colours of Benetton / Sony Bravia hybrid advertisement. The band shamelessly incorporate the lyrics to the first verse within the video itself, with little regard given to the fact that they are, to coin a phrase, poor to shite. And don’t get me started on the bagpipe-esque guitarwork – at least Big Country were actually Scottish…
They appear again at number two with ‘Paradise’, the video for which features the band dressed as elephants. Yup. Elephants. Instead of embedding the video, here’s a Clay Davis nutshell review….
Honestly, this is the clearest message yet from the band to those who buy their music – “You idiots! We’re taking the pi$$!”
What I find particularly telling about this list from MTV is that I cannot find record of it anywhere, no matter what permutations of the show's title I put into Google. It’s as if they’re slightly embarrassed. Or just not bothered. Yeah, definitely the latter….
I, however, do find myself bothered. Over the last ten years, MTV2 has exposed me to the likes of Bloc Party, Modest Mouse, Friendly Fires and Biffy Clyro, and is the reason why I have a bunch of great singles in my collection from bands I otherwise would never have heard of. I consider this to be a good thing. So why are they endorsing this mess of a chart? Then again, what should I expect from a broadcaster who’s primary channel, still branded as Music TeleVision, no longer shows music videos and is effectively a structured reality TV station?
“But MJ, what of number one?” I hear you ask (it’s faint, but I can definitely hear it). Let me just say that Brit Award nominated Ed Sheeran will not save us. Once you get over the most disappointing song title of the year - wot, no Mr. T? - ‘The A-Team’ is pretty enough, but fuck me, where’s the edge, the fire, the USP? Bland.
Taking my thought process full circle, I can see a few lyrical tweaks turning this track into an X-Factor winner’s single within the next 5 years. Place your bets in the comments.
They might change the video though…
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A bonus treat for you. Whilst digging for this article, I had the (mis)fortune to stumble across this little gem. Srsly, did this actually happen? This is just testicle shrivelling. Stick with it though, this video is simply astonishing from 2:32 onwards…
Special skills: dancer-shagging and horse-riding
Magical. Roll on 2012….
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